Heart Full

Om Yoga Center one of the great studios of New York City. It’s celebrity is perhaps only surpassed by its’ founder, the yoga guru / mogul, Cyndi Lee. At a sprawling 11,500+ sq feet, over 5,000 student base, retreats, 200hr and 500hr teacher training program, it is an epic yoga school and brand. I’d been itching to try this yoga studio. Not only because its’ so well known, but because it’d been reputed to seamlessly combine Buddhism and yoga.

For the first class, my friend Carolyn and I took the 60-minute “Sweaty Express” open class. The studio was small, but the pillars about the room gave it character, and the fanciful Buddhist insights painted along the walls gave it warmth. The teacher seemed experienced and soothing. Given the name, Carolyn and I were ready to sweat. But I noticed that each time she or I tried to take it further, the teacher reigned us in. Which truth be told, I liked, yoga in my mind shouldn’t be “sweaty”, nonetheless I did want to move.
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I’ve caught myself in a cycle of inertia, inactivity. I keep doing what I do because I’ve built up so much momentum, it’s easy. I haven’t attended a class for almost 2 weeks, my body is stiffening, but I can’t find the motivation to go. The beckon of the home, warmth, TV and my finance’s attentions are too tempting. I start off with the best intentions, I bring my clothes, mat, even water bottle to work, all with the intention that after work I’ll find my center. But I don’t. Instead, I’m terribly off-center.
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The dharmas (parable like stories) in class are usually about general concepts. Sometimes, it’s about learning to breathe in the now, learning that it’s OK to take care of ourselves, how to be more present, more mindful. Generally, the closest I’ve experienced to religious tones in class are some of our chants, until the other day. Our instructor told us about devotion in the tale of Krishna and Radha . I wanted to share it, because I found it surprisingly moving. And couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever know, this kind of devotion.

Radha, was Krishna’s favorite amongst the gopis (cow girls). Krishna favored her not because she was beautiful, bright or even a good person. He favored her because of her unconditional devotion, the kind that would follow the object of its affection to whatever end, no questions asked. Eventually, he departed to guard virtue and truth, she waited for him. He fought countless battles, became a king and lord of he universe. Still she waited. He even married, Rukmini and Styabhama, raised a family, fought more wars, and still she watied.

On the one hand, I want to tell this woman to get a grip. On the other, I’m touched that her devotion symbolizes a soul yearning to be united with the universe, to know nirvana. And I know that if that is the level of devotion needed, then I just don’t have it in me, at least not now and probably not ever. I mean I can’t even maintain a consistent vegetarian diet, and I really want to. After a year and a half of practice, I don’t think I’m necessarily that much close to this kind of yearning, then I was the day I started. In fact the road seems so long and so difficult, that I’m inclined to not even start. Hence, my stagnating meditation practice.
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