Heart Full

The dharmas (parable like stories) in class are usually about general concepts. Sometimes, it’s about learning to breathe in the now, learning that it’s OK to take care of ourselves, how to be more present, more mindful. Generally, the closest I’ve experienced to religious tones in class are some of our chants, until the other day. Our instructor told us about devotion in the tale of Krishna and Radha . I wanted to share it, because I found it surprisingly moving. And couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever know, this kind of devotion.

Radha, was Krishna’s favorite amongst the gopis (cow girls). Krishna favored her not because she was beautiful, bright or even a good person. He favored her because of her unconditional devotion, the kind that would follow the object of its affection to whatever end, no questions asked. Eventually, he departed to guard virtue and truth, she waited for him. He fought countless battles, became a king and lord of he universe. Still she waited. He even married, Rukmini and Styabhama, raised a family, fought more wars, and still she watied.

On the one hand, I want to tell this woman to get a grip. On the other, I’m touched that her devotion symbolizes a soul yearning to be united with the universe, to know nirvana. And I know that if that is the level of devotion needed, then I just don’t have it in me, at least not now and probably not ever. I mean I can’t even maintain a consistent vegetarian diet, and I really want to. After a year and a half of practice, I don’t think I’m necessarily that much close to this kind of yearning, then I was the day I started. In fact the road seems so long and so difficult, that I’m inclined to not even start. Hence, my stagnating meditation practice.
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