Heart Full

The first time I encountered David’s Multi-Intenso class it was at Kula Yoga. And as you may recall I’ve had some mixed experiences with Kula Yoga, so not surprisingly I had a mixed reaction to David’s multi-intenso. It was unlike any yoga class I had experienced. There was little warm up, and not much explanation in getting into the poses, and we got into some very serious poses, like handstands (instead of downdogs) during sun salutations, etc,.. And while I was intimidated just that he offered it, it was even more overwhelming to see that nearly everyone in the class took him up on his offer. So there I was the lone non-handstander in a room so crowded our mats were touching, and so hot I could see the steam rise off of my neighbor’s shoulders.

Eventually, I was so out-paced my spirit didn’t try to keep up anymore, I did the motions (I could) half-heartedly. Panting my way through it, I finally understood all those reviews I had read that Kula (one of the only studios) offered *truly* advanced classes. I had been to two prior and while they were also intense, I wasn’t writing home about them. So it with much interest when my friend Desmond (who had taken the class with me) noticed that the same teacher was teaching in Shala, but this class was labelled intermediate / advanced. We wondered how he would modify it to make it accessible to intermediates, and would it be the same format? As in sanskrit and description light, but body-warpingly challenging.
So Desmond and I decided to take his class at the shala, hoping that the slower pace of the studio would result in a slower pace (but still challenging) class.  We noticed that he seemed to have a following.  These students were different as if they were mentally prepared and approached the poses with a kind of zen. The shala students (and myself) soon started the grunting after our 3rd press back to plank from chaturanga. I felt much better about the class the second time around, mainly because I knew what to expect. I also felt more accepting of my shortcomings when I wasn’t the only one who did not partake in the handstand as part of my sun salutation. All that said, I was disappointed, and not with the class as I had (sort of been expecting) but in myself.

Each year I try to “get good” at one pose that I thought was impossible a year prior. This year was handstand. Now here was a class offering me just that opportunity – no judgments. And I declined. And I knew I was declining even as I was attempting. I didn’t even “hop” much during the one leg up / downdog variation as I usually do. My handstands were disgraceful, certainly not something that seemed like I’d been working on-and-off on for the better part of a year. But it wasn’t the way I was “looking” that bothered me, I was disappointed that I had given up before I even tried. I wished I was the girl who tried her best, and fell, but got back up. Instead I was the yogi who didn’t try at all.

If yoga is a metaphor for how we handle the challenges in our lives, I guess I know how I have handled mine.