Namaste
Having lived in NYC since I was 17 and having passed the bonafide 10-year mark of living here I consider myself a “New Yorker”. I know where to get my morning bagel with my just-right coffee. I felt like I had managed to successfully integrate a continual wonder at living in this awesome city, with the street savvy to remain relatively safe. I’ve been known to boast to my friends all the precautions I take to make sure I don’t get into sticky situations, everything from never leaving with a stranger you just met at the cocktail destination of the night, to never letting your girlfriends leave alone with that stranger either. For the most part my precautions have paid off. Until they didn’t. Coming from Cobble Hill my aunt and I boarded the R train on our way back to Manhattan, and excitedly chatted about our new hair cuts. We were towards the back of the train, but not in an empty car, in fact given it was a weekend / off hours there were a surprisingly good number of people in our car (~10-15). When out of the corner I heard a man yell, ” are you laughing at ME?!!”, I didn’t even register that he was talking to me, even after the second time he yelled it. Only when his bag with sudden violence knocked my-just-right coffee out of my hands, and swung around for a second and third time did it finally sink in. He was hitting me with his plastic bag of trash, and I was paralyzed with fear. My aunt leapt up, pushed him away from me and started yelling at him to leave me the F!#$*!! ALONE! The fog in my mind began to lift with a new fear that he might turn his anger on her — barely thinking I grabbed her hand and told her “we have to RUN!” Not that there was anywhere to go, I discovered after throwing my body weight on the door separating the train cars and frantically turning the knob that the door was “locked for emergencies”.
The man had followed us as we ran to end of the car. By now the other passengers were shrieking. A blonde woman towards the end caught his attention and he started hitting her in the face with his trash bag, her blonde hair flayed wildly about. She managed to push past him and joined the other passengers now cowering with my aunt and I at the corner end of the train. I know he yelled at us more, angry scornful tones, which fear prevented me from understanding. The train came to the next stop, the passengers stampeded out. One man pushed my aunt out of the way so he could get off the train first. We managed to re-connect on the platform. I saw some passenger run into the next car, I couldn’t imagine getting back in so I took my aunt and told her we were “getting out” and ran several flights up. I noticed a mother and her daughter followed us, and maybe a few more passengers.
We reported the incident to the toll booth workers, hopefully they caught him before he terrorized more passengers. The incident left me shaken. What if he had a gun? What if he had a knife? Why had no other passenger helped either us, or the poor blonde woman? I’ve replayed the incident in my mind a hundred times, could we have done anything different to avoid the situation? Why was I such an easy target? And now that fear has left vulnerability and helplessness are settling in. I’ve noticed that in the gestalt of the 2010 — I’ve been harassed more frequently. I’ve rationalized this as part of the economy, people are angry without jobs, shelter or food. Taxes are down so there’s less police to patrol our stations. The subways are spiraling back to the “Escape from New York” days my conservative family had warned me of. I don’t know if any of this is true.
I don’t really know how to apply my yoga to the situation. I can try to find my center and my calm, but when I think about it calm always makes room for anxiety and fear. I’ve decided that the first step will be a self defense course, I found what looks to be a good one called Female Self Defense Course. I’ve shared the story with my close friends and family and discovered that many of my close girlfriends also experience this gut wrenching vulnerability and with surprising eagerness want to take the course with me. And I’ve re-discovered my incredible support system, whose love has helped me step back onto the subway platform, but not without a couple new tricks:
- Never board an empty car. If the car becomes empty as the trip progresses try to move to a car with people.
- Never sit towards the back of the train, especially during off hours — people often make those areas (i.e. the 3-4 seaters) their temporary “home”.
- Try as much as possible to board the conductor car — this is especially important during off hours. You can identify the conductor car by the black and white board often on the platform, or just above the platform (see picture in post). If you still can’t find it, go towards the cluster of cameras and / or video TV type looking equipment. The conductor must always “sign-off” to the camera before leaving the station, so the cluster of cameras / TVs is likely where the conductor car will be.
The last bullet was the new pearl of wisdom I discovered (thank you sean and chris). Most importantly, let’s remember we’re all connected, we’re all part of one another so let’s try to take care of each other.
Namaste.
