Heart Full

I was dubious when we were introduced to the doshas — an Ayurvedic system that (in loose terms) identifies your constitution. It sounded a lot like the gunas to me — the tendencies. And I’m still not 100% clear on exactly what the differences are between the two. But we got a thorough introduction to the doshas, and just like our teacher promised once explained the system “just makes sense“. I discovered that at this point in my life I am Kapha Vata. Meaning my primary dosha is Kapha — think 1st and 2nd Chakra — earth and water — I’m cold, heavy, wet, dense and oily. My Vata side is air, lightness — think quick, spontaneous, but dry and rough. In many ways my two sides are opposites. When my Kapha is out of balance i have phlegm, I sleep excessively and I’m practically immobile. I can’t count the number of times when my husband came home from a full day and was shocked to realize I had laid in bed ALL day, watching the entire first, second, and third season of Lost, only to decide after watching all of that … that I didn’t really like the series. On the other hand when my vata is effective, there’s never too many things for me to multi-task. If the vata gets out of balance, I become obsessed and I don’t sleep. And this can last for days, everyone from my room mate in college to my neighbor has asked me, “how do you operate without sleep?!” and I usually answer, “there’s too much to do.” But I know these are the times I’m running on empty.
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I’ve always been a big fan of journaling, I feel it gives you some much needed time for introspection. I find that writing things down helps me add clarity to some otherwise very muddy thoughts. So it makes sense that journaling is part of our training, but with that special Lotus twist. We’re encouraged to POUR out our thoughts, “don’t lift the pen from the paper if you can help it“. So for 2-5 furious minutes some yogis are frantically writing, while others like myself are drawing blanks. But the questions resonated with me, so even if we’re not in class, I took them home and thought about them. Each one is deserving of pages and pages of journaling but one haunted my mind, because I couldn’t answer it, “why do you teach?”. Such a simple question that you would think I’d have answered by now seeing as I am IN the 300 hour teacher training program.

The answer for the 200 hour program was so clear, I wanted to learn how to teach my friends and family, so that maybe they could experience the healing powers of yoga the way I did. I wanted them to feel the ecstatic liberation of a pain free body, the deliciousness of a sweet svasana, or the beauty in the movement. Were these still my reasons? Yes, my friends in family are in fact my best students, I love waking up and teaching them. But do I really need to be in a studio to teach them? Probably not.

The easiest answer for me is because I want to share what I’ve learned with others. I don’t know if that’s totally true. If I truly wanted to share there are probably better ways to do it, for example I’m probably reaching more people with this blog than I am in my still not-very-populated classes. I think I’m teaching for myself, because by learning how to teach I’m able to offer something more, more of myself, more of a service. And that has been making me feel whole.

When I read that Bhagavan Das was going to be at Laughing Lotus for two events — Kirtan and a Bhakti Yoga workshop, I didn’t believe it. In the past year and half  I have found it very challenging to DIY an affordable yoga education. The elite world of renowned teachers are often difficult to come by. You have to diligently check their website for when they (briefly) come to NYC, or be willing (and able) to travel to a pricey retreat, or be willing to pay upwards of ~$100 per class as I did for the NYC Yoga Journal Conference. Not all teachers are so exclusive — but for a practice that’s about freedom and sharing, it does seem to carry a weighty price tag. So I was beside myself that Bhagavan Das would not only be giving two events at our local studio, but at $35 it was practically free.

It was an incredibly moving experience to chant with him. Sound’s vibrations resonates within you,  and as you harmonize with your neighbors a deeply moving connection is formed, which intensifies with time. He led us through an exercise of clearing the chakras through meditation and a kind of kirtan. And I realized how much I’ve been neglecting sound as form of healing. It had been so long since I had intoned the sounds of the chakras, I’d practically forgotten them, and I could actually feel the rusty energies trying to move through my internal molasses. While a year’s worth of neglect can’t be overcome in one workshop, there was an improvement in the inner energies, or possibly it was just my giddiness at being able to share a connection with a teacher who up until then, existed only on my iPod

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I like many other yoginis am an avid subscriber to the Yoga Jornal. I eagerly await my copy every 6 weeks or so, and take it everywhere with me, trying to integrate its’s pearls of wisdom. Which is why was ecastatic to attend thier yoga conference in my home away from home, NYC. So eager, that even though I couldn’t afford it’s hefty price tag ($225 and up), I decided to sign up for one day of the main conference, and a kirtan session by Krishna Das.  I figured that, it was an investment in my practice, an opportunity to learn from some of the most inspiring yoga teachers of my time, and I could offset the cost by taking a number of thier free events , lightening the load on our economically strained wallets.

The minute I entered the conference I was struck by how similar in look and feel it was to the dance conferences I foggily remembered from my youth. Crowds of (mostly) women clustering in various forms of dance-like attire, many toting conference bags. Except for the uniquitous sigg-like water bottles, I would’ve sworn I had somehow managed to fold space and warped back to 1986 reliving the Tremain Dance Conventions. They even had a similar “market place”, where sponsors could hawk thier goods, I half expected to find a Capezio booth.  Thankfully there wasn’t a Capezio in sight, reminding me that while those conference were scaring memories ,  this was yoga, a healing balm to my post-wedding-jitters. 

My first class was with Shiva Rea, Rasa: the Yoga of Liberating Love. It was described as  ” a liberating backbending vinyasa flow, meditation and vizualization to liberate our natural healing alchemy of love”, a bit beyond my mortal understanding, but it sounded like just enough movement with just enough thought to get me back into the practice I had neglected for well over a month in favor of the wedding whirlwind.While,  I over estimated what my back was capable of bending into, I hadn’t under estimated how liberating the class would be to my stiff limbs. my undisciplined mind, or how refreshing it is to come back to your practice.

My next class was with Cyndi Lee , “How to Teach Any Pose to Any Body”, described as “…complicated poses and deconstruct them using consistent yoga principles … “.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to enhance my education, and although I wasn’t excited about my trial classes at Om, I was impressed with their thoughtfulness. I hadn’t expected to be so moved by her, or her teachings, but I was. I thought that by now she’d be tired of the constant tour, the redundancy of some of the materials, but she wasn’t. She was authentic, fresh and fully engaged.  Even her assistants’ adjustments were customized, catered towards your need at hand, rather than a mechanical adjustment.  She taught keen observation, and close attention, warming the class with gentle movements that naturally developed thier complexity.

My last class was with Gary Kraftsow “Exploring the Chakras for Emotional Health”.  I decided to take a lecture based class, as the Community Class by Ashley Turner “Inner Power: Flow from Grace”, had exhausted me. I’m not sure about the inner power, but I was sure I had lost all grace in that class. My body wouldn’t hear of another asana, and besides my mind was starved of the philosphy and knowledge of yoga. I have badly neglected my education outside of asanas. Gary’s class and knowlege were profound. Trying to learn all the things he was teaching us was a lot like trying to drink from a fire hydrant. It was impossible to drink, but the power of it somehow cleanses and reinvigorates you. I suspect he had a lot more to share, and was a little disappointed the class was so short. Though it’ was hard to tell, as I’m not sure he was all together engaged , sometimes it seemed he was speaking somewhere else, and he didn’t hide that he had given this talk so many times the students and places were blurring together. But the richness of his insights, makes the two hours you spend with him fly by fast, leaving you with just enough grains of wisdom to go home and chew on.

After the dizzying pace of April, the subdued, honeymoon imbued May, This conference was a warm  (if pricey) welcome back party.  Just enough education to re-ignite my learning, and just enough movement to make my blood  and breath flow.